Married For God: Making Your Marriage the Best it Can Be | Book Review
- Amber Thiessen
- 14 minutes ago
- 5 min read
We all want the best marriage we can have, right?
In Married For God: Making Your Marriage the Best it Can Be, Christopher Ash reminds us of the purpose of marriage, and contrary to what the world or our emotions tell us, it's not for our satisfaction. Not something you'll common hear. But laying the foundation on the goals and purposes of God, will lead us toward joy and hope filled relationships.
Married For God: Making Your Marriage the Best it Can Be | Book Review
Content
Content
Purpose of the Book
Married for God describes biblical marriage as a relationship not primarily intended to meet our own needs, but instead about joyfully serving and honoring God together.
Table of Contents
Introduction: God at the Center
Chapter 1: A Word about Baggage and Grace
Chapter 2: Married for a Purpose
Chapter 3: What Is the Point of Having Children?
Chapter 4: What is the Point of Sex and Intimacy?
Chapter 5: God’s Pattern for the Marriage Relationship
Chapter 6: What is the Point of the Marriage Institution
Chapter 7: Is it Better to Stay Single?
Chapter 8: What is the Heart of Marriage?
Conclusion: The Greatest Invitation
Summary
The author begins by helping us reframe the purpose of marriage. The world influences our thinking, and we, as believers, can drift into the same way of thinking, that marriage is for me and my satisfaction. But Scripture doesn’t teach this. We need to line up our goals with God’s and that begins with repentance. And, no matter our past, God graciously forgives and acts powerfully to change us.
He argues that marriage has God-given purposes as seen in Genesis: children, relationship, and sexual order. As we understand these purposes, we can align with building toward these aims. He shares his motto, “sex in the service of God.” Unpacking why “marriage to meet my needs is wrong,” he points out how our self-centered view of sex and marriage is destructive and prods us to shift this point of view. Marriage is also not the answer to loneliness. Though relationship certainly helps, this isn’t the ultimate goal; serving God is.
He expands on his motto across a variety of topics. First, the decision to have children, he explains from a biblical perspective, is that we ought to want children in marriage because we want to serve God. Second, our view of sex can’t be on either extreme—too high or too low—but again, intimacy and delight as an overflow from a secure relationship lead us further into loving service of others.
He shows us that the shape of marriage is modeled after God’s marriage to His people, through Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3, providing some stereotypes of how marriage becomes distorted. Marriage as an institution is also explained through the lens of God’s created order, that it is given to us by God and is a voluntary, public union.
The author also addresses singleness and a life without sex. He points out that sexual intimacy doesn’t make a difference to our relationship with God. Something that needs to be loudly said in this day and age. He writes pointedly, “sex has no significance so far as getting close to God is concerned, nor is it the way to find fulfillment or friendship for ourselves in this age.”
Lastly, he reminds us that the heart of marriage is faithfulness, modeled after God’s covenant love for us. It is a witness to the world of God’s love. However, unfaithfulness has it’s own cost so he highlights reasons to take the temptation very seriously and flee it like the plague.
My Take
Currently we’ve been married for 20 years, and it was (shamefully) surprising how needed this book was for me. Perhaps it’s laziness or thoughtlessness that starts to drive those nails of self into our relationship, but reading these words urged me, once again, to shift my perspective from myself toward God.
A reminder I desperately needed.
Because the purpose of marriage isn’t my needs. That’s a challenging pill to swallow, to be sure, but my Christian life is one surrendered to God, and that means submitting to this truth.
Because it changes everything.
If marriage isn’t about me, my frustrations or disappointments can be brought to the Lord in prayer, rather than my husband in blame. The hurt and struggle worked through first with God, then together. The grace and forgiveness given me by God is received with gratitude and joy, then extended to him.
Perhaps in this season, raising three kiddos, life full with work, activities and ministry, selfishness more easily rises to the top. By tending to the needs of others in raising a family, maybe it’s easy to see how we’d be tempted toward entitlement or become desirous of our own satisfaction.
But, when we realign our hopes, expectations, and goals for marriage according to Scripture, we will discover the deep joy and lasting fulfillment that comes from a God-centered marriage.
So, if you're married, I'd encourage you to pick up a book on marriage every now and then. To hone in on areas of weakness and receive these gracious reminders when we might be starting to forget our purpose, By the grace of God we have days, months and years ahead of us to keep pruning self from our heart and learning to live faithfully for the Lord.
My Recommendation
If you’re married, as I’m discovering, reading a book on marriage every year is probably really helpful! Here’s one to add to your list.
If you’re dating, I think this is a good book to consider together, helping you both understand a biblical perspective of marriage, with the foundation that this covenant relationship is not all about me. For those who are single and interested in understanding the Scriptures this could be a helpful foundation as well.
Quick Stats
# of Pages: 176
Level of Difficulty: Easy
My Rating: 4 stars
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Scriptures About Marriage
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh (Gen 2:24)
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Eph. 5:33)
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous (Heb. 13:4).
He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matt. 19:4-6)
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